Dear 2013…

Dear 2013,

You’ve been quite the mixed bag – great news, horrendous news & everything in between! Who knew so much could happen in just one year?

The great news made parts of 2013 the best year of my life, in the same way that the shitty parts made 2013 one of the worst years in my recent history.

Being in the last week of December, it’s come to the time of year where we reflect on the year that was, and look ahead to the year that’s going to start in under a week. As for me, I’m exhausted! Mentally exhausted from the up & down year that was 2013. I haven’t slowed down mentally for months and if I could hibernate and hide from some parts of reality…I would!

At the same time, I’m incredibly thankful for the good parts of the past year and the people and situations that made 2013 amazing. These situations are ones where I got what I consider to be the best news of my life and made me realise that life can be beautiful.

There have been a few close friends who’ve rode the ups and downs of the last year with me and have provided unending encouragement, support and love. These people all know exactly who they are and hopefully they also know how grateful I am for their impact on my life. Thank you to all those amazing, gorgeous souls.

As 2013 draws to an end, here’s hoping 2014 brings more of the good stuff and eases up slightly on the terrible parts. I’ve learnt so much this year and can’t wait to put it into action as I continue to grow and develop as a person over the next 12 months.

So, to 2013, thank you for teaching me what I needed to know! For the lessons, I’m thankful. For the good times, I’m also thankful. For the rubbish you dumped on me…well, I’m glad to see that part gone!

#MyFirst…Fulfilled Wish…

I was 13 and had just begun high school.  If only starting high school wasn’t nerve wracking enough, I was also a budding musician.  I had started learning flute the year before, and I was actually getting reasonably good!! That thrilled me to no end.

Then the day came.  The day I knew was coming and counted my blessings every day that it stayed under wraps.  My music teacher came up to me one day and said “Nat, I think you’re ready, would you like to perform in front of an audience?” I had never done this before and wasn’t sure what would happen and if I’d be any good…or, if I’d run off the stage in terror.

Ever since starting to play the flute, I had said to dad almost daily that I wish I had one of my friends doing music too, so we could do it together.  This quest of my teacher’s to get me on stage just heightened this wanting a musician friend to be on stage with me.

One day a little later, a matter of days before the upcoming stage performance, this wish came true.  Little did I know, I would in fact have a friend with me when I step on stage for that first time.  My best friend, Brad, who had been playing piano MUCH longer than I had been playing flute decided that he’d play the accompaniment for my piece.  Here I was devastated that I had to go on stage alone and play with a CD backing, and over lunch, Brad comes and tells me he would be joining me in the spotlight in this performance, and every one that follows should I want him there! I think I actually squealed with delight, as young teens do!

The big day eventually arrived and I was actually going to get on stage and play music in front of a bunch of people.  And my best friend was going to be right there with me! Sure enough, true to his word, Brad arrives in his best “piano playing outfit” (although I’m certain he only said that to ease the nerves and make me laugh).

The moment of truth soon came and we were called on stage.  2 minutes later, we were done! We did it! I did it! Brad was amazing that day.  I was nervous, stressed and had a (slightly) horrendous attitude; but he was awesome just trying to make me laugh and smile and most importantly…relax! Just as we were getting ready to go our own ways for the evening and head home, I gave him the biggest hug and mumbled 3 words: “you’re the best”.  He replied and told me how proud he was that I did it and how much he enjoyed sharing it with me.  He never admitted it, but I’m almost certain he was close to crying that day.  The look on his face when he said how proud he was, he was so near to tears.

True to our friendship and his word, every performance after (where it was possible), he was right there with me.  And every performance after, it was just as special as that first performance.  I never got sick of having him there with me and he never got sick of being there with me.

My wish couldn’t have been fulfilled in a more beautiful or memorable way.  I’ll always be grateful, and even today, if I’m on stage, I think back to days I had him there with me.  He brought my love to performing to the forefront.  Before that first performance with him, I was dreading it.  He made it fun, and that’s what I needed for the first step out in front of an audience.

Is there nothing better than having your first true wish fulfilled by your best friend?! I think not.

The things friends do…

There are two distinct groups of people in this world:

1) People who are super organised and have Christmas/Birthday etc gifts purchased with plenty of time

and…

2) People who are often found the night before madly finding last minute gifts as the shops shut

I, am often found in the second category.  My best friend Brad (who you can read more about here https://thenatdiaries.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/brad-the-bestie/ ), however, was always in the first group.  He was ALWAYS so organised and had the perfect gift for every occasion months prior.

 

My 18th birthday for instance, I got this little guy.  I was told by his twin sister (who gave me the gift and a card with Brad’s name on it) that he had purchased it 10 months before my birthday! Who buys gifts 10 months in advance?

Although I find it unfathomable, I’m grateful that he did organise my gift so long before my birthday, because it now holds a special place in my heart as the last thing he gave me.  It’s such an honour that our friendship was so important to him that my 18th birthday gift was arranged only a matter of weeks after my 17th birthday had been and gone!

There’s just something about receiving the bear after he passed and knowing it’s something he selected specifically for me and being able to hold it close to my heart and have it reminding me of all the memories I do have, really is something beautiful that I’m grateful for every day. Knowing that he thought of me when he saw things he thought I’d like, is such a lovely feeling.  Having someone who means so much to me and has touched my life to the extent he did in the few short years that we shared each others company is the best feeling in the world!

His twin sister is equally beautiful.  Every day I am thankful that she collected the bear after he passed and kept it safe for me in the 6 months between us losing Brad and my birthday.  She wrapped it and bought a card that Brad would have liked and signed his name instead of her own.   She is part of what keeps Brad’s spirit alive.  We talk about him all the time.  We laugh, we cry, we smile at all the things he’d have said and talk about what life would be like today if he were still here.

Brad, mate, thank you for making such an impact on my life.  Love you, buddy!
And to his sister, (who we’ll call C), you’re an angel beautiful!

Brad the Bestie…

When I think back to my first best friend, I don’t get a memory of two toddlers playing in the grass, or two friends starting school together.  Although, I’m sure these things happened and the friends I had at the time were awesome, but thinking of my first best friend, I’m taken back to being a young teen and having just begun high school.  That friend, is the first best friend who made an impact to the person I am today.  His name is Brad and he’s 2-and-a-half years my senior.

Brad was my high school best friend.  My partner in crime and the one who made high school fun.  We were both asked on MANY occasions if we were dating, but, no.  Just best friends.  We had so much fun, we’re both musicians, so caused havoc in the music room from time to time…I’m sure of it!  We talked, we laughed, he boosted the confidence I had in myself and made me believe in my teenage-self.

We begun planning a weekend holiday for my 18th birthday almost 12 months prior! It  was going to be the best trip ever.  Unfortunately, it never eventuated.  Brad passed away 6 months before my 18th birthday.  Completely out of the blue in June 2008.  It was a car accident.  The driver was drunk.  After emergency surgery to attempt to fix a ruptured organ, he was still bleeding faster than blood could be pumped back in.  He never stood a chance and the life support was turned off a few hours later. He was a few weeks short of turning 20.  A life ended far too soon.

He was amazing.  He could have been anything he wanted.  He had the most incredible brain, but was also the most beautiful, caring and funny soul.

In the years since Brad’s passing, the influence he has had on my life is amazing.  I was just beginning my adult life when he passed, but he has continued to leave his legacy in my daily life.  I find myself saying things and then thinking “oh, Brad would have said that!” or “Brad would love that!”.  I pay my respects to him every day. There are photos of him and things he gave me on show and I’ll talk about him to any one who’ll listen! He may not be physically on this earth anymore, but he’s always going to be part of my life.

Life. Shifts. Twists and turns.

Tomorrow morning is 4 years to the day that my life shifted in a major way. December 2nd, 2009 was the beginning of a life I didn’t know was coming, and sure as anything wasn’t prepared for.

One thing I’ve noticed over the last 4 years is that life is determined by every shift, every twist and every bump and hurdle. My life today is nothing like I had planned prior to December 2009, but it is a life I have learned to live by and love over the years. It’s not been a smooth road, but it has also brought me many moments that I cherish. For each struggle, there’s 2 or 3 moments where I stop and think “this is beyond incredible”.

Four years on and I am still baffled by the way I got to where I am today, but life is happening in the most amazing of ways, which I know would never have happened without the events of the last few years. Everything that I’ve felt and experienced has built me into the person I am today.

I really do believe that every little twist in life causes huge ripple effects that may not be immediately felt. This has never been as evident as it is right now. Every event over the last 4 years, regardless of how small and seemingly insignificant, has shaped the life I’m living today and I’m almost certain it will continue to influence every day going forward.