What not to say to someone with a chronic illness

There are certain things that you should never say to someone with a chronic illness. Things that, to you may seem slightly humourous, but to the person who lives with the particular condition, it is far from funny.

Of course each person has their limits on what they can take and what crosses the line, but some things are just common sense to keep to yourself.

I found myself in this situation recently, with a medical student of all people! Someone who is learning to enter the medical field and work daily with people who may have these chronic conditions. This particular medical student (who we’ll call ‘Dr in Training’) was on their first practical rotation and sitting in with my GP. I am an accommodating person, I never say no to having a student sit in on my consultation because I believe they have to learn somehow! And my case is quite interesting and different to the norm, so my GP says students get a lot from meeting me! So I’m generally happy to do my part and let them go over my history and share the stories behind all my scars.

Back to Dr in Training, I was with my GP for a routine visit and enters Dr in Training. I get introduced, and my GP starts explaining my file. Just as they get to one of my chronic conditions, Dr in Training exclaims how this particular condition leads to a particular side effect, which she thought might be quite alright to live with. So in her (lack of) wisdom, she looks at me and says “oh you’re lucky to get that!!!” Um. What? Yeah, NO! It was at this point my GP noticed I was about to totally lose my composure and suggested we step outside for some breaths.

Chronic conditions, regardless which one, are not fun to live with and people who do, are not “lucky” because of how good a side effect may seem on the outside. I tell you, this side effect Dr in Training got so excited about, it’s not anywhere near as good as she originally thought. It causes pain, frustration and is sometimes the side effect lands me in the GP’s office more than the overall condition.

The attitude of Dr in Training, that some things seem ok to people who have never experienced it is a worrying one. Particularly when it comes from someone entering the medical field. I seriously hope that Dr in Training had her eyes opened to the inner struggles people with chronic conditions face when she saw my (and my GP’s reaction) and hopefully the next person won’t get an insensitive comment too.

I am big on finding the humour in situations, because I do believe that laughter is essential. But, insensitive comments about things people have no idea about, is not the way to make laughter! I occasionally joke about the situation I’m in with my health, and those who know me best have a laugh with me sometimes, but they know where to stop and know if I start getting upset by it, that it goes no further. Dr in Training not only crossed the line, but jumped over the line and landed miles from it!