Why won’t we let our guard down?

I’ve had many discussions in recent times about writing and the fears we have about how people will react. Back before this blog came into existence, I had started to share my writing with a good friend of mine. Before too long, she started telling me how I should share more and how I should start a blog. Her persistence and encouragement (obviously) paid off, and The Nat Diaries was born.

Over the last year, I’ve been writing about the things that are important to me and my life, but also things happening in the world around me. But my guard is still up. There are people I don’t share my blog URL with because I know it’ll be counter-productive.

But more to the point, there’s posts I’ve written sitting as drafts because I don’t feel they’re worthy of being published. They’re a little crap! In reality they probably aren’t, but where my guard is at currently, those posts don’t make the cut.

Over the last week, things have been a little exciting and I’ve got to share it with people I never expected to share such a moment with, but also, there are people I expected to jump for joy with me, but they were (and still are) lacking the enthusiasm I thought I would get from them.

This excitement of mine stemmed from getting the chance to write a piece that would be shared a little more widely than this humble blog. It was written and distributed last week. This piece has started many conversations, and most of which have the same basic direction “why didn’t you put your name on it?”

There isn’t really any one reason why I didn’t put my name to it, but the general premise of all these reasons comes back to me having my guard up.

It doesn’t mean I’m not proud of the piece – the truth is the complete opposite. I’m proud of what I produced and proud of myself for taking the leap and doing it, even though I was a little nervous.

I actually did have my name on it at one stage. But I got a little scared. The fear of peoples reaction got the better of me. Would it be good enough? Would it be appreciated?

It was also the first time I’ve written something that would be going out to such a big audience.

Those are the reasons I deleted my name.

Having had these conversations over recent days, I’ve come to realise the piece was good enough. It was damn good, actually! People read it and congratulated me on it. My pride shot up a little more when I realised that!

One person I got talking to, someone who has known me for the better part of 15yrs, made me make a promise. That promise is that, the next time I write something for someone else, I have to promise to put my name to the words I write. I will keep that promise…

While I was thinking back on the reasons my guard was up, I came across a quote that sums things up nicely: “Don’t be afraid to write crap, because crap makes a great fertiliser.” – Jessica Brody.

That quote hit home for me. We shouldn’t be afraid of writing crap. Without that fertiliser, there’s less of a chance of beautiful things growing.

The Liebster Awards 2014

There’s times where things pop up and you think “oh, cool!”  That time for me was a few days ago when the lovely Sam, from The Annoyed Thyroid nominated me to answer 10 questions thought up by herself for the Liebster Awards – a little love from one blogger to another.

After the warm and fuzzy feeling (mostly) settled, I got thinking about the questions she put together for me.  So, without further ado, lets get this happening!

1. What would be on the menu for your last supper?

Well, I do really like a good chicken parmigiana.  Simple, but, in my opinion, it is the ultimate dinner…so of course it would be a good last supper. Right?! And chocolate.  No last supper is complete without chocolate.

2. If you could invite anyone to a dinner party (alive or dead) who would it be?

This is an easy one.  My best friend.  I’ve written about him here here and here. Many conversations were left not had after his sudden passing so an opportunity to have him at a dinner party with me would be beyond awesome! Not to mention he was just the most beautiful spirited human being.

I’ve often thought about the last conversation we had, it ended “See ya tomorrow…I have a surprise to tell you too.” Everyday I wish I told him the news that day, rather than waiting. I waited expecting him to see tomorrow.  He never did.

3. If you could have any super power, what would it be? Why?

The ability to have a truth-radar. Or more to the point, a built-in lie detector.  People who lie get on my nerves and it would save a lot of hurt if I knew from the get-go that they were telling me lies.

4. If you could go anywhere in the world with anyone, where would you go and who would you take with you?

I think I’d like to travel the world.  Not sure who I’d take with me…in some regards I like to travel alone and explore new places in my own time and visiting the places that I want to visit.  But, exploring with a friend could also be a heap of fun.

5. If you could swap places with someone for a day, who would you choose and why?

I’d like to swap places with my Grandma and spend a day in the era she grew up in.  I think going back to the days without the things we take for granted today, would teach me a lot about the beauty of life.  She grew up in the 20’s and 30’s and so lived through tough times with the depression and wars, and without the technology or employment opportunities we have today (particularly for women), it would be an experience I believe would enrich life as we know it.

6. What’s is the best thing about you?

My sense of humour. I’m always making myself and others laugh.  Sometimes at my expense, but that’s ok, afterall, if you can’t laugh at yourself, who or what can you laugh at?  Friends are always saying no matter how they’re feeling, after chatting with me, they always come away smiling.  I like that I can make those dearest to me smile and laugh. 🙂

7. If you were stranded on a desert island, what three things could you not live without?

– My Ipad…(you can do a lot with an ipad – including read!)

– My bed…I’m totally spoiled…I don’t camp!

– Food…not sure I’d like to have to do the whole looking for food thing.  Because, again, I don’t camp!

8. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Morning.  Not like, 5am….but, anything from about 8am I can handle well.  I’m definitely not one of those people who enjoy insanely early starts…but civilised morning hours are a good thing.

9. What was your favourite childhood toy?

A stuffed Snoopy toy.  He’s still about too.  He gets more love from the younger kids in the extended family now.  It makes me happy he’s still being loved. 🙂

10. What dish do you make the best? What’s your speciality a la maison?

Me, cook?! Haha….

I cook to feed myself and survive.  Not much beyond that!  Cooking doesn’t interest me what-so-ever.  I’d much rather have people cook for me than have to cook for myself.

 

And there we go Sam, and everyone else! 10 questions posed by Sam and answered by me. 🙂 

So, it’s over to you now.  Pick a question and tell me your answers. I’d love to hear!!

Who inspires me the most?

I read a post over at Woogsworld earlier this evening about who inspires her the most. It made me think about the people I find inspiring.

I’m not one to really be inspired by celebrities, but rather people I come in contact with in my life and people that show the world that regardless what they’ve been faced with in life, that they’re fighters and come through amazingly and also those who do great things for other people.

First, two people who inspire me for similar reasons are two friends of mine. Lucy, who recently inspired me to do Dry July in her honour, she’s a friend I met in hospital when we were undergoing thyroid treatment. She had been diagnosed with aggressive thyroid cancer which had already spread into her lymphatic system. After her surgery, the doctors realised there really was no realistic treatment method that was going to change the outcome. It was too far gone. But she didn’t let that phase her. She was 18 at the time and fought incredibly well. Right to the end. Knowing the end was coming, she completed the things she wanted to do in her life – finished school, took part in some cancer fundraisers to do her part to give back to the same charities and cancer centres who were helping her through her final months. She also made sure everyone in her family and her immediate circle of friends were dealing ok with her diagnosis. She was so strong through the whole time in the lead up to her final hospitalisation. I remember one day, she said to me “Nat, when I go, can you please give this to mum” and she handed me an envelope. I now know the contents of that envelope was the last ever photo of her with her siblings. She wanted her mum to have that to remember her once she passed.

Another friend of mine, I’ll call her L, she inspires me too. She’s currently fighting a thyroid battle and I see a lot of Lucy in her in many ways. Although her diagnosis isn’t as grim, she is fighting so hard and focusing on what she needs to do to get well and get where she wants to go in life from here. She’s so strong. She writes about parts of her journey and puts her situation into words so perfectly. L is a perfect example of how we need to look at the big long term goals in order to formulate a plan to get through the immediate difficulties.

Someone I consider a very close friend, actually, she’s more like family, we’ll refer to her as K. K is amazing. There’s really no other way to put it. She is someone I look up to and she inspires me to follow my heart and let my dreams come to reality. She writes, and I say to her regularly that if when I get to the age she is now, I’m even half the writer she is, I’ll be so proud. K is someone who is always there for me to lean on when times are tough, but she’s also always there to celebrate my achievements…however small! She teaches me to focus on what my heart wants and not to let people tell me my dreams are stupid or I should be doing something else with my life. This blog actually wouldn’t exist without K! It took some convincing, but she was the one who said I should put my writing out there for people to read. K also seems to have a knack for saying the right thing at the right time. Whether it be personal experience, or something else, she seems to make things seem ok…even when they’re not. Life advice from K is always mega helpful!

My Grandparents also inspire me. My Grandfather passed away a few years ago now. But in his day, he was always someone I took inspiration from. He lost his parents when he was young, served in the war and then came home and eventually raised his 4 children…which then turned into spending grandparents time with his 8 grandchildren (of which I am the 2nd youngest). He was just always there! He’d fix our things, and our conversations would go a long way toward fixing our problems. My Grandma, she’ll be 90 this year and is living alone, driving a car, taking care of her own cooking and cleaning AND has a social life any teenager would aspire to have!! She’s just amazing in every way.

To me, being inspirational is about being real. Real stories that I can relate to…now that’s what I’ll connect with.